Surviving a toxic “blame and shame” work culture can be unbearable and extremely exhausting. Having navigated my share of toxic cultures, I identified four nurturing ingredients that shifted my mindset from surviving to thriving. These ingredients helped me stay grounded and created a new way of navigating work stress. 

Toxic work cultures often develop their own brand and values, starkly contrasting the company’s intentions. As defined by Kate Heinze at Built In, a toxic environment is “dominated by practices, policies, and management styles that perpetuate unhealthy habits and conflict among team members.” It can be harmful to employees, preventing productivity and professional growth. Common signs include infighting, intimidation, unethical and illegal offenses, lack of equity and inclusion, and a culture of blame and shame. You may be in a toxic work culture, if you regularly feel depleted, unsatisfied, undervalued, or becoming less present to your team and less trustworthy2.  Recognizing when these toxins seep into your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs, preventing you from being wonderfully you. 

Toxic work cultures prevail when executive leaders stop working on their own development. Recognizing this culprit, I decided to focus on my own growth. I aimed to be the change I wanted to see in the culture, becoming magnetic to others who valued similar change. To not only survive, but to thrive, I had to nurture my soil to attract the goodness I desired in my role, my career, and my life; and weed out the stressors stunting my growth.

Instead of absorbing the symptoms of a toxic work culture, choose to be the brave seed that thrives. The soil is not always fertile, however, you can always find rich nutrients in your values and beliefs to cultivate. Being rooted in who you are and who you want to be draws in positive elements and filters out negativity.

Nurture your soil with these four (4) ingredients to boost your self-compassion, professional presence, and focus.

Ingredient 1: It’s not about you 

A toxic culture naturally calls into question your sanity. I read a comment once where a person shared how it felt working within a toxic culture: every time they turned around from meeting to meeting, interaction after interaction, they were sucker punched by poor behavior. Every person’s frustration was being projected – she just happened to be in the crossfire that day.

Shit rolls downhill. It’s a simple reminder that a person’s reactions say more about them and how they are doing, and less about you. 

We experience life through our eyes, so naturally, when poor behaviors or reactions come at us, our brain has been trained to think that it is because of us. However, the ownership is on the person doing the act. Recognizing that we’re only witnessing it is important in assigning ownership. 

When we stop taking ownership of other people's reactions, we become more willing and able to engage in work activities that lead to more productive discussion while actively listening and remaining present to our needs. An invisible shield is activated between you and them, and this unseen separation reduces stress – putting us more at ease while enjoying the work we elected to do. 

By shifting your focus from taking things personally to understanding the bigger picture, you reduce stress and improve your emotional resilience. This change can lead to better decision-making, increased productivity, and healthier work relationships, ultimately enhancing your overall life satisfaction.

Ingredient 2: What You Permit, You Promote

Being grounded in our values and beliefs provides a strong sense of security. Unfortunately, toxic work environments often undermine this, eroding psychological safety. When toxic behaviors emerge, we may become reluctant to speak up. This cognitive dissonance—compromising our values to maintain a sense of security—often stems from fear or insecurity. A powerful example of this was the 1986 Challenger disaster, where several team members were aware of problems with the spacecraft, but the fear of raising concerns ultimately cost seven lives.

This leads to a crucial ingredient: "What you permit, you promote."

Culture is shaped by collective thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Every individual in an organization plays a role in molding and holding that culture. By embracing this ingredient, we give ourselves permission to be the catalyst for change, calling out behaviors that clash with or undermine our values and the organization’s.

Direct feedback from those who witnessed or experienced the issue is far more impactful than hearing it second-hand from the leader, manager, or even HR. Our response to toxic behavior can create a ripple effect, gradually transforming the environment. This process starts with creating psychological safety within yourself, rooting into your values and beliefs, bolstering the confidence needed to deflect or push back on poor behavior. You don’t have to be an official leader of an organization to lead cultural change.

By taking an active role in shaping culture, we not only improve our surroundings but also pave the way for our own career growth. Being viewed as a catalyst for change, and demonstrating fairness and honesty, are qualities highly valued in later stage career levels. These attributes not only attract the right attention but also resonate with other value-minded individuals, further enhancing your career trajectory.

Taking a stand against behaviors that don’t align with your values and/or the organization’s can create a ripple effect within your team. This can lead to a more positive work environment, greater respect from colleagues, and potentially more opportunities for later career stage positions, as others recognize your commitment to integrity.

Ingredient 3: Redefine Excellence

This ingredient requires vulnerability and a sense of fun because it’s all about letting go of others' expectations and defining success on your own terms. Committing to just one definition of success or performance can lead to burnout. Instead of solely relying on your employer’s standards of “above and beyond” or “exemplary” performance, take a broader view of how you wish to operate and redefine what excellence means to you.

We’re all at different stages of life, each with unique needs that employers cannot fully accommodate, so it’s essential to define your own expectations – what do you want to put in? And what do you want to get out? It’s important to balance the employer's expectations with your own – this is how we create satisfaction for ourselves in our work. Knowing when to align with the company's and when to prioritize your definition. Structure your contributions by focusing on what matters most to you, both in life and at work. If you want to work past 6 PM, go ahead. If you prefer to skip after-hour work events, that’s your choice. 

Activating this ingredient allows you to create new ways of working that align with your life and values. Collaborating with your team to implement these changes nurtures your professional growth and benefits from their collective strengths and diverse insights. For example, by proposing flexible work schedules and a shared workload calendar, you can help your team manage tasks more effectively, aligning work hours with individual productivity peaks. This approach prevents burnout, enhances well-being, and fosters a stronger sense of cohesion. Redefining excellence also means achieving a healthy work-life balance, which not only improves mental and physical well-being but also increases productivity and sustained job satisfaction—ultimately leading to greater fulfillment in our work.

By balancing your definition of excellence with your personal values, you discourage burnout and maintain a sustainable work-life balance. This approach not only improves your mental and physical well-being but also increases your mental flexibility and creativity. When you work in a way that aligns with your personal values, you’re more likely to feel fulfilled and satisfied in your role.

Ingredient 4: Assume Good Intentions

Much of the frustration and exhaustion we experience in toxic work cultures comes from the “weeds” that suffocate our space—blocking our light, leaching nutrient-rich water, and degrading our soil. Yet, like weeds, people are doing the best they can.

Assuming good intentions requires a heightened awareness of our own biases, assumptions, and thought patterns. Then setting them aside to approach situations and conversations with curiosity, seeking to understand the deeper “why” behind others' actions. This ingredient works in harmony with the first ingredient —"It's not about you"—allowing you to meet people where they are at, not where you think they should be.

By nurturing this mindset, you can see the best in others, even when surrounded by assumptions of negativity. Just as a seed grows by absorbing nutrients and filtering out toxins, you stay rooted in positivity, focused on constructive interactions and achieving more productive outcomes. On a professional level, this practice builds your equanimity—your ability to remain calm and non-reactive. Instead of jumping to biased conclusions, you explore situations with compassion and empathy, qualities that stand out at all levels of an organization and are increasingly valuable in upper management.

Assuming good intentions reduces stress by increasing abundance and openness, and strengthens relationships, transforming an "us vs. them" mentality into a unified "us together." This empathetic approach leads to more effective communication and collaboration, fostering a supportive work environment counteracts toxicity.

Approaching interactions with empathy and curiosity can transform how you communicate and collaborate with others. Fostering a more supportive and cohesive team environment, reducing conflict and increasing trust. In the long run, this can lead to stronger professional relationships, greater team effectiveness, and a more harmonious workplace.

Let's Thrive!

As an eternal optimist, I once believed in the existence of perfect organizations—a 'jobtopia.' But I’ve come to realize that every organization has its toxins. Uncertainty and change can stir up toxic thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, leading to insecurities about your job, earnings, personal worth, or career mobility. While we cannot control a business’s outcomes, we can control our response to toxic cultures by nurturing our own environment.

The four ingredients discussed—'It’s Not About You,' 'What You Permit, You Promote,' 'Redefine Excellence,' and 'Assume Good Intentions'—are essential for creating a space that supports your personal and professional growth. Implementing these changes can be challenging, especially in highly toxic environments, so it’s important to start small and be patient with yourself. For instance, you might begin by focusing on 'Assume Good Intentions' in low-stakes situations, gradually applying it in more challenging interactions. Over time, these small changes can lead to significant shifts in your mindset and environment, improving your overall well-being and career satisfaction.

Find people in your work-life who can offer a listening ear or a supportive shoulder during challenging times. Don’t let work-related exhaustion and frustration seep into the life that truly matters to you. Instead, nurture connections that align with your values and aspirations. Together, you can create a space where positive energy flourishes, allowing you to become a catalyst for change in your life and, hopefully, in the lives of those around you.

Reflect on your current work environment and identify which of these four ingredients you need to focus on the first. Commit to incorporating just one of these principles into your daily routine this week. Whether it’s setting a new boundary, speaking up against toxic behavior, or simply shifting your mindset, start small and build from there. Remember, every positive change begins with a single step. Your journey to thriving starts now.